But I’m not bitter…

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I want so badly for this statement to be true. That I’m not bitter….But I know that if I want to avoid having my hurt and my indignation settle into my heart, I have to feel it. All of it. I have to acknowledge everything churning deep within me, and set it free, or it’s going to destroy me.

If I become bitter and cynical through this, they win. They get to steal my dream of being a pastor AND my faith.

So I will allow myself to feel weak. To feel broken and utterly discouraged. That’s my reality. To pretend otherwise would inflict more violence upon me and my soul.

And my soul has suffered enough violence without having me turning on it too.

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