I’m one to mine every nugget of truth from my experience. I’m like a gardener, tilling the soil of my heart over (and over), breaking up clumps of dirt and picking out weeds. I want the new seeds that I plant to have every advantage I can give them. I leave nothing behind that could hinder their growth.
I hit a large stone with my shovel today.
I don’t know if I can ever trust people again after Seminary. I don’t know that I even should. The fact that I am so trusting, always seeing the good in others and ignoring the bad, left me vulnerable and open to attack. If I hadn’t cared about the people that became so intent on hurting us, I wouldn’t have been hurt as deeply.
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16 (NIV)
I just want to be the innocent dove. I don’t want to think like a snake. But I have to. If I do not, I will never be able to survive in this world. I’ll forever become the prey.
Now, don’t be misled by my words. I can be a very shrewd snake. Too shrewd. My reluctance to think like the world thinks is due to a fear of my own power. When I have been shrewd like a snake, I became a snake. A very formidable one.
But it’s not an either/or — we don’t have the luxury of choosing one way of being over the other. It’s a both/and.
I think it’s high time I ressurect the part of me that is street smart and wise to the ways of the world. I’m kind of afraid to allow myself to think like a predator. But how else will I be able to protect the inner me– the innocent dove? Or protect the innocent doves in my care?