When it rains

My 7 year old daughter is convinced that whenever I feel sad, it rains.

She told me today, that it rains when I’m sad because God is crying with me. 

Oh to have the faith of a child!

My children know when I’m feeling sad, whether I tell them or not. So I tell them. I tell them what I’m feeling sad about (in terms they understand) so they know it isn’t them. 

I tell them it’s ok to feel sad about sad things. But they already know… Children don’t stuff their feelings unless… Unless they see the adults in their lives deal with sadness that way. 

Children learn by watching what we do. Even, and especially, when what we do contradicts what we tell them is true. 

So on days when I feel sad, I feel sad. I no longer fight it, I just feel it. And life goes on…

Today I feel sad because I’m still mourning what I’ve lost. And there has been much lost this past year. I feel sad because I am no longer angry about those losses. 

It’s easy for me to feel anger. It motivates me to action. But there are no more actions that need to be taken here. So, it’s time to grieve. 

I have a love/hate relationship with grief. I love that I’m now free to feel, to be completely human. But I hate feeling sad. 

Does anyone like feeling sad? 

Not likely. 

I know that the cloud of sadness will not hover over me forever. The clouds will part, and it will be sunny once again. 

Feeling my sadness, letting the downpour cleanse the deepest parts of my heart, is exactly what I need to move on from heartbreak. 

I’ll move on later. Right now, I’m going to dance in the rain.

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2 thoughts on “When it rains

    1. Thank you for your comment, Michael.
      The story of Hannah and Samuel are two of my favorite OT narratives (after Joseph;D).
      Hannah reminds us that our children belong to God. New life is His. And as hard as it is to accept that not every pregnancy is intended to continue to the birth of new addition into our lives, our babies belong to Him. Born and unborn. He holds them all, and us along with them, in His hands.

      Blessings to you and yours:)

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