Growing up

When I was 17, starting my freshman year of college, I was going to be an Obstetrician. That first semester I took Psychology 101, and I decided I was becoming a Psychologist.

After surviving a sexual assault on campus my second semester of my  freshman year, I dropped out of school. And I was a waitress.

I don’t regret taking time off from school to rediscover myself. It was very messy for awhile, but life IS messy when you are wrestling back your own humanity. The process of healing from that assault set off a chain reaction. In therapy, I started to see my childhood as it was. I started to see myself as I was — broken.

Then I found Jesus. Nearly 17 years after praying the “sinner’s prayer” as a very young child. I re-read the Gospels as a young adult, with new eyes, and for the first time, I saw the personhood of Christ.

Finding Christ led me back to myself. In Him, I found the person I was underneath the trauma of an abusive childhood. And while I was still very much human, I was no longer broken.

When I was broken, I needed to prove to myself, and to everyone else, that I was of worth. I was going to become someone important to accomplish that goal. But now? I know I am of worth. Just as I am.

I jokingly refer to myself as a Midwestern housewife. Technically, that is exactly the life I lead. But it isn’t who I am. 

Growing up, I wanted to become someone. Now that I am all grown up, I just want to be myself.

I almost became a Pastor. But you know what? I suspect that I already am a Pastor. If that is what God has called me to be, and I truly believe He has, no Seminary or denomination in the world can rescind His call.

I’m excited about living into this calling. Because I have no idea how it will play out, or where I will end up serving others in Christ. It starts here. Today, and every day. In being who I am in Christ.