The past few weeks, I’ve been on my own inner journey of sorts. Deep in contemplation of who I am and, in turn, who God is.
Our understanding of ourselves and what we know of God is the foundation for everything else. How we live, how we think, how we choose a path at a fork in the road of life.
I do not know myself in certainties, but in possibilities. It is the same with God (call me heretical). If I believe in the ultimate goodness of God, I have to believe in evil as being of human origin… Which means, evil has its home within the human consciousness.
That means, evil will always be at my heels in this life. I will always have to contend with the evil of others, and my own propensity for evil. Until the day of my death.
Am I up to that challenge? I get to choose here– choose to step forward with my eyes wide open, and enter into the world that is not what it could, or should be. Or I can choose to close my eyes entirely and pretend to surrender my own agency… Which is, ultimately, the choice that conspires with evil.
There is a balance here. Open eyes need to rest, and that rest is not the same as choosing blindness. But the time for my rest is over. I am called to move out into the world. To face the evil without. Because I no longer fear the evil within. Evil is cowardly, and fearful… and it trusts not in a good God.
I know that I want to trust in God. In God’s goodness. I think this trust is a choice, not a subjective feeling or an intellectual certainty. Although I think both come into play after we set out to choose faith in God.
Maybe goodness is a human concept when all is said and done. Maybe God even appears to act in ways human beings would be tempted to name evil. But I can’t see the end result from my place here. None of us can. Not with our natural eyes.
So, I choose to be human. Finite. Un-godly. So that I can trust in a God that is so much larger than myself and greater than all of our religious ideas about Him. I choose the Unknowable. The Infinite. The One. Wherever that choice leads me in the meantime, I believe I’ll eventually end up Home.