Choosing trust

The past few weeks, I’ve been on my own inner journey of sorts. Deep in contemplation of who I am and, in turn, who God is. 

Our understanding of ourselves and what we know of God is the foundation for everything else. How we live, how we think, how we choose a path at a fork in the road of life.

I do not know myself in certainties, but in possibilities. It is the same with God (call me heretical).  If I believe in the ultimate goodness of God, I have to believe in evil as being of human origin… Which means, evil has its home within the human consciousness.

That means, evil will always be at my heels in this life. I will always have to contend with the evil of others, and my own propensity for evil. Until the day of my death. 

Am I up to that challenge? I get to choose here– choose to step forward with my eyes wide open, and enter into the world that is not what it could, or should be. Or I can choose to close my eyes entirely and pretend to surrender my own agency… Which is, ultimately, the choice that conspires with evil. 

There is a balance here. Open eyes need to rest, and that rest is not the same as choosing blindness. But the time for my rest is over. I am called to move out into the world. To face the evil without. Because I no longer fear the evil within. Evil is cowardly, and fearful… and it trusts not in a good God.

I know that I want to trust in God. In God’s goodness. I think this trust is a choice, not a subjective feeling or an intellectual certainty. Although I think both come into play after we set out to choose faith in God. 

Maybe goodness is a human concept when all is said and done. Maybe God even appears to act in ways human beings would be tempted to name evil. But I can’t see the end result from my place here. None of us can. Not with our natural eyes.

 So, I choose to be human. Finite. Un-godly. So that I can trust in a God that is so much larger than myself and greater than all of our religious ideas about Him. I choose the Unknowable. The Infinite. The One. Wherever that choice leads me in the meantime,  I believe I’ll eventually end up Home.


2 thoughts on “Choosing trust

  1. I L O V E this!
    Your sentence, “Maybe God even appears to act in ways human beings would be tempted to name evil”—though provoking! It makes me think back to all the times I’ve heard people ponder aloud how if God is a loving God how can He allow such evil, such heart break in the world. For me, so that I can accept that God is love personified, I have to, HAVE to believe what it says in Genesis about what Satan intends for evil, God intends for good. I take this to mean that God is not the initiator of evil, but can bring good from it. The good—we may or may not see this side of heaven.

    Another wonderful post! Thank you for always pushing me, causing me to think more deeply about what I believe and why I believe it!

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    1. Karyn– It is so encouraging to hear feedback like yours. Thank you:)

      I think it was very difficult for me, in my younger years, to be surrounded by so much superficial religious certainty. It took years to acknowledge and fully embrace my spiritual identity as one of a ‘seeker’– as someone created to find dissatisfaction with mere doctrine and pat religious answers disguised as lofty spiritual truths, instead destined to search out a real, personal experience of God. I think for a lot of people, hand-me down maxims and traditions are enough, and this kind of faith is sufficient for some, but it cannot work for all.

      The big questions are hard to grapple with. Not everyone has the inborn capacity for it. But for those of us that do…. The path of the post-modern Christian seeker is one of great difficulty. We live in a world that has rejected the essential truth of Christ because of the evil perpetrated in the name of the religious image of Christ. So we find no solace among the ‘faithful’ content with being led by out-dated religious ideas, and no sympathy from those outside of the flock that have rejected the Christian Faith entirely.

      But I think our work here, as seekers of Truth, is more important than we can even comprehend. To take the essence of our faith in Christ, and insist upon integrating it in ways we can understand in the here and now, is how we find the resurrected Christ among us. In our post-Christian culture, we must dutifully return to the tomb in which Christianity has been buried–and find it empty–before we can see the living Christ that desires to set the world on fire. Because the church today acts as if Christ has been long dead, risen and gone. Because it cannot SEE Him. I firmly believe the church of today is as a white-washed tomb, where we go to honor a faith whose spirit and vitality has long departed.
      Christ needs today’s seekers. And that fact is why I blog as an asker of questions and rejecter of superficial certainties. Regardless of who it may offend. Because it will not offend those that are also charged with this task of witnessing the living Christ, and compelled to tell all that He is among the living indeed:)


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