Sitting in the mid-morning sun, soaking up rays of sunlight, my journal on my lap. Having what should have been a picture perfect daily devotional, I finally brought myself to writing these words: “Lord, I cannot forgive them.”
There is much that can be said on the relationship between unforgiveness and bitterness. But, what if you want to forgive, to be free of a burden, but you just can’t make it happen?
I don’t want to hold a grudge. I don’t want to be angry and sad anymore.
What if forgiveness is actually a God-thing? What if, to “forgive those that trespass against us“, is only possible through an act of Grace?
I never thought about human forgiveness this way. As something miraculous, as a gift of the Divine. It changes everything. It means that the sins of others that directly effect us, are opportunities where God invites us to witness and participate in a miracle. If only we desire to step out from under the human ideals of punishment and revenge.
I am beyond bringing about the power of forgiveness on my own. I’ve tried and tried again– but the anger and hurt is still there. Maybe, that’s perfectly understandable. Maybe, I’m not a bad Christian; I’m just a Christian realizing the full extent of their dependency on the Grace of God.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NRSV)