After publishing my last post, I realized how important it is for me to explain the particular dynamics within it.
As a survivor of childhood abuse, I can have emotional flashbacks. It’s like this: something someone says or does in the present triggers those same feelings of worthlessness experienced in the past. If I’m not aware of this occurring, I unwittingly revert to feelings of powerlessness.
As a child, I was powerless. But I’m no longer a child.
Do not confuse the ownership of my own power to change the dysfunction in my life, with my taking ownership of that dysfunction.
I’m responsible for me.
I can only change what involves me.
I’m leaving the aspects of what doesn’t involve me (the other party) out of this. Because I cannot change them. Nor should I try.
If I’m hell bent on change in the other party– regardless of whether or not those changes are warranted– I’m back to spinning my wheels in powerlessness. Because I do not have the power to change others. That’s a God-thing, and the responsibility for inviting change of the other belongs to the other.
Hopefully this clarifies some of the points made in my last post.