More on The Future

I didn’t get the job I applied for. 

Big bummer:-/

Let’s be realistic– my resume may boast some impressive  past experience, but I’ve been completely out of the workforce since baby #4 arrived on the scene in 2012. And I’m a few semesters shy of my degree. 

Sucks to be me, right?

It matters not that I’ve devoted the past four years of my life to supporting my husband while he finished HIS degree and started a new career in another state. That, for over 11 years, I’ve gestated, breastfed, attachment-parented and baby-wore myself thin. All while homeschooling. 

That my four kiddos are turning out to be brilliant, unique and resilient individuals in their own right? 

Nope. Doesn’t count. 

Anyone with a working uterus and a set of ovaries can be a mother. But not everyone can finish college and hold down a JOB. 

::eye roll::

Whatever. I’m over it. 

Now that I’m not as employable as I once was, and being no longer enslaved by gestating/breastfeeding/baby-wearing– it’s time to get that degree done!

Which means… I’m giving my Woodsman free rein to apply for the jobs he is qualified for, in the states he’d like to live in next. And I’ll just suck it up, and hammer out my degree, and be….

A stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. 

For at least two more years. 

I suck at being domestic.

 I hate doing dishes, and I can’t stand routine for long. But I’ve made it this long, what’s 24 more months?

And I’ll get to be in school again, and on the horizon there is the excitement of meeting new people and seeing new places. I can do this. 

Right? 

I hope so.

“We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28 (NRSV)

This verse is my credo, the foundation for summoning the strength to live a life different than I had imagined. With all of this life’s unexpected challenges, it is this verse that continues to encourage me in staying the course.

Things aren’t going my favorite way. I don’t need them to in order to find contentment. All that I need, I already have:

” If God is for us, who is against us?”

Romans 8:31b (NRSV)

And as much as the cynical part of me wants to rant about how this earthly life seems so pointless and cruel; while the perfectionist part of me tries to wail about how I clearly wasn’t good enough for Seminary- let alone a secular fulltime job, my ambition lowers her head in shame…

…. I’m not going to pay attention to any of them. 

They are such drama queens! My cynicism, perfectionism and ambition have proved countless times to be blind. They have their uses, but helping me through the valley is definitely not one of them.

Here in the valley, I need Christ and Him alone. 

And maybe chocolate. 

LOTS of CHOCOLATE.

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4 thoughts on “More on The Future

  1. I agree with the chocolate – chocolate can solve many problems. I’m on the other side of the problem. I have a degree. Pfft. After babies, homeschooling (looks long term at this point) and all that, that degree will be pointless. I’ll probably have to go BACK to school just to get a job. Hope things work out for you – and know that you’re not alone in the frustration.

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  2. I suck at being domestic too but I have managed to be domestic for over 11 years. My kids are soon graduating, one is in school and the other has a bit. Honestly, I never thought I’d make it. My house still isn’t clean. I cook ok but still don’t like it. I hate laundry. But…I feel blessed. I see the end nearing and I am sad. I am so thankful my kids got to securely grow up and be loved by their mother. My 14 year olds friend asked her why she tells me things. My daughter said, “I tell my mom everything”. I think if I had not laid the foundation for them, the teen years would’ve been so much harder. I appreciate homeschool. But I also work part time. I got a work from home gig. It’s great but a hard thing to balance. I think God closes doors for a reason. All the doors that closed on my life were hard, but I look back and I am glad that God did. One was an adoption that fell through. Shortly after we learned our daughter had aspergers. Then my mom died suddenly. I can’t imagine now having an adopted child. Many of them end up needing care as well. So God knew what we didn’t. The stress from one special needs child was more than enough. And grieving a parent is also stressful. God knows what he’s doing. Hang in there.

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    1. I agree with you– God opens and closes doors for our long-term good. We can’t see into the future, but He can.
      I feel utterly guilty about my domestic failures… I can’t peruse the typical mommy blogs because they make me want to puke, lol! I stumbled into motherhood by ‘accident’. I didn’t grow up dreaming of one day being a SAHM. Not even close! But I love my children dearly. So I’ve tried really really hard to give them the best childhood I can muster. No regrets! But… I feel like something is still missing. I’m not quite being true to all of me. I know I’ll figure out what that is in time;)

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