An Unruly Child of God

Yup. That’s me. 

Sometimes I forget how stubborn and ornery I can get with God. 

You see, I believe in a Good and Just God. But I see an evil, unjust world and it pisses me off. To no end!

Then my prayer becomes tainted with inexplicable anger and lament, and if I do not stop to inquire as to the why, I become completely ineffective. And I sit and pout…

Until I acknowledge my own arrogance before God. 

If I happen to carry on my existential tantrum for long, I have to deal with some harsh realities–    In insisting on lamenting the state of the world, I rob God of His power to change me.

Really, God? You want me to change my outlook?! Again?!?

Damn it anyway. He’s right. He always is. (Yes, you always are. And I don’t know why I even bother doubting You…)

Lamentations have their place, there is a season for crying out amidst our suffering. But we aren’t called to live there…

 “From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.”

Luke 12:48b (NRSV)

But… But… It’s not fair!

As a parent, I hear this protest on a daily basis. My response:

Life isn’t fair!

And, I think God is trying to tell me the same thing.

I’ll likely huff and puff for a little longer. To my own hurt of course. Because I never learn the lesson the first time around. It usually takes a concerted effort on God’s part to convince me of what I already know… 

I am such a jerk sometimes. To God, I mean. 

I don’t want to hear that I’m a jerk to other people right now….

“LALALALA!…. I can’t hear you ’cause I’m not listening”

That’s not true– I do listen. I try to hear God out even when Truth stings. 

Ugh.

Being a human is really not that fun… Just sayin’, God.

And no, I don’t want to hear how life isn’t fun. I’m already brooding over how it’s not fair!

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3 thoughts on “An Unruly Child of God

  1. I love this post! Really, “God? You want me to change my outlook?! Again?!?” that’s how I feel everyday of my life. I’m like, “Lord, I *just* changed now I gotta do it again?” Spiritual growth has its pains. I think we feel the blow hardest right in our egos. Great post, I really enjoy your writing style!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks!
      God is funny. He’s given me these spiritual gifts and I’m like “awesome! I’m going to go out and change the world!!”
      And God’s like, “Ha! I’m going to change YOU, because that’s how I change the world.”
      My ego hates that. I want to change what’s outside of me, but rarely is that how God works in my life.

      Liked by 1 person

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