This blog is the tomb where the Ungodly Woman is supposed to be put to rest.
Think I’m joking? I’m 33 years old– and halfway through what I’ve said in jest as being my ‘Jesus year’.
But you see, I’m still here. In this tomb.
Because, I’ve yet to accept my own crucifixion.
Is it no wonder then that I have yet to be raised back to life?
My Father wills this death. I have refused to accept His will.
Why would my Father want to destroy me?! My Father that holds me in His Love?!
Maybe because I am not truly the Ungodly Woman. And perhaps living this life, trying to carry my ungodly burden, is not His will for me.
His perfection is His will for me.
New life is His will for me.
Dying to the old is so painful. Why would my Father will me to embrace such pain?
He willed His Son Jesus Christ to embrace the cross. And therein lies the mystery of a Good God that allows much suffering.
I’ll never understand it if I refuse to pick up my own cross.
I was chosen for this. Set apart to share in the Divine mysteries… And I’ve neglected to see this blessing that lies hidden deep within the pain. Because I’ve shirked much of my God ordained suffering.
I still get to choose.
But it’s clear to me that it is in my own best interest to choose His will. To admit that He did this to me. God set me up for near total destruction.
That’s a frightening reality. However, no matter how afraid I feel, or how perplexed I’ve become… Even if I sweat rivlets of blood, I am still so far from the suffering God in Christ endured for me.
He suffered for me. If I believe that, I need to pick up my cross and follow Him.
I need to consider everything that came before as nothing compared to what lies ahead.
I followed Him to my own Golgotha. I need to follow Him into the Garden, and yield my own will. So that I can follow Him back into this tomb, and await my own resurrection.
This is the Christian Faith. If I believe it is true, then I need to yield to walking in His footsteps. Only someone believing so strongly in the possibility of resurrection could walk willing to the death of self. Do I believe?
Yes, I believe.
By the Grace of God, I believe.
And now for the ηποκοεν πιστεος— the obedience that reflexively follows upon hearing God’s call, through our faith in Him.
I had refused to hear Him. But He got through anyway… He has His own ways of opening our ears:)