Three weeks of shutting out the noise and distraction of the world has done my soul good. Although, I have started to miss my dear blogger friends!
In my time away, I am rediscovering the path to that hidden place of strength and security in my God. That place where I cannot be shaken. Where no evil or fear– outside of my own– can reach me.
And it is time to take on my own evil and fear.
My secret evil (er, not-so-secret if you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time…) is that I do not put my trust unequivocally in the One I purport to follow.
But, I’ve decided I am going to go all in.
God has had enough of my divided heart and mind. He’s sent a good number of trials to convince me that it is to my benefit to trust in Him alone. And, as I’m kind of weary of trials, I’m all about mastering this lesson now (before He decides to ‘convince’ me further …).
It is so very unnatural for me to trust in the manner He calls me to trust Him. But at the same time, if I can trust God with my eternal well being, doesn’t it stand to reason that I should be able to trust God with my temporal well being? I mean, if I’m going to hold back from trusting, you’d think it would be the aspect of an unseen, unquantifiable eternal destiny that I should be balking at, am I right?
Ah, to be a human being in a fallen world. Our priorities are all kinds of distorted!
God has shown me glimpses of who I am on my way to becoming. They are frightening and exciting and practically absurd. I’m not quite there yet, but I have no doubt that the pain of the last few years of trials will soon turn into something beautiful.
I know God can pull this off. I know that He alone can turn my mourning into dancing.
And I know He will.
In the meantime, I am still in the process of discerning the future of this blog. It’s real and raw and even uncouth at times, but I think there is still value in it. Even if it just remains here as bread crumbs along the path I’ve travelled:)
I’ll close with a passage from my personal Bible study that rang loud and clear in my heart this morning:
“Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be a light to me.
I must bear the indignation of the Lord,
because I have sinned against him,
until he takes my side
and executes judgment for me.
He will bring me out to the light;
I shall see his vindication.”
Micah 7:8-9 (NRSV, emphasis mine)