As I was replying to a comment on my last blog post, it suddenly hit me what God was doing right now. In His silence.
The same scenario just played out between myself and my 8 yo daughter the other day. M had three sentences to compose and write out. Keep in mind that M is dyslexic, and the 3 months spent in public school last year shattered her self-confidence. I knew she could do it. She’s done it before! But, she didn’t think she could.
How does a good teacher respond to a student that can’t recognize her own abilities? That teacher repeats the assignment, and let’s that student struggle through the barrier their mind has created for them. There is no other way.
I told M she could do it. M proceeded to fold her arms across her chest and sulk. For one whole hour. Then, she abruptly got up, wrote those 3 sentences in under a minute, and brought me her work.
“See? I told you that you could do it! Now, see how little time that assignment actually took you?”
I am M.
God has given me the assignment of helping to guide my family through to the next chapter in our lives. And after last year’s experience, my self-confidence is shattered.
God, like a good Teacher, let’s me know I can do this, and silently forces me to break through this barrier of my own making. There is no other way. When you doubt yourself, only you can tear down the walls that separate you from realizing your own potential.
As always, God. Well played.
Sometimes we as Christians spiritualize problems that aren’t actually spiritual in nature. I can have complete faith and trust in God, but if my faith in my ability to do what He asks of me is waning? More faith in God can’t help me. More prayer will not change God’s response (or, lack of it…). More trust in God to use me is useless unless I trust myself enough to see it through.
A lack of trust in ourselves, when we know God and already are walking in His presence, is just as disabling as a lack of trust in Him. Sometimes, when we are weak, He carries us. Sometimes, when we are weak, He meets us halfway. And sometimes… We need to just put one foot in front of the other, and keep doing so until He says differently.
God reserves the right to respond to our prayers for guidance as He pleases. We are reponsible for doing the best we can with what He’s given us- and trust that when He’s silent that we’ve heard His silence and understand what it means.
While we are still human, human lessons are still important for us to learn. Regardless of how little fun we are having while learning them. I wish all lessons in this life were spiritual, because that’s what I’m best at! Unfortunately, humans also have to learn yucky stuff like Statistics, Organic Chemistry, and how to take charge of the life we’ve been given.
Add this to the list of things faith cannot exempt me from. Bummer:-/
On the bright side, it’s nice to realize I’m not failing at faith. Just life!
What a relief!