My Woodsman and I … We aren’t doing so well. As spouses, I mean.
I thought long and hard before trying to blog about this. But, I’ve never been one to shy away from the messiness of authenticity…Why start now?
Marriage is hard. No doubt about it. And we’ve had more than our fair share of challenges the past few years… But that’s no excuse.
We screwed up. Big time.
Now, I have to say we, because marriage involves two people. Even if I do not believe I, myself, am at fault here, we both are failing. It matters not who is to blame, the result is the same: failure.
I love being a mother. I love being a friend. But I am beginning to hate being a wife.
Too much drama. Too much hurt. Far too much hurt.
Outside of my marriage, I am invincible. Within it, I am broken.
I don’t know when that changed. It used to be that we made each other better people. It’s why we got married, after all.
Somewhere along the line, it hurt more to be together than it did to be apart.
I, honestly, have no idea where God will lead either of us from here. God hates divorce, blah blah blah…
I think God also hates to watch nuclear families self-destruct because no one is brave enough to say ‘no more!’.
I have a strange peace about this recent separation. I’m not trying to look past the next day. I’m fine just being separate. For now.
Maybe, God will work a miracle. It’s possible. But in the meantime, I’m just resting in His love for me. Because sometimes, miracles take time.
All I have right now– literally– is time.
I plan to use it wisely.