How does one determine the value of a marriage?
Is it what it does? If so, what is a marriage supposed to do?
Is marriage intended to provide a supportive function? Supportive of what, and how? Is there a way to prevent its supportive function from becoming one person’s crutch to the detriment of the other?
Is marriage a promise to stay with this one person, come hell or high water? When marriage starts to feel like hell, is it interpersonally healthy to accept eternal punishment for another’s failings?
What do you do when your family functions better apart than it does together?
These are some of the many questions on my mind this morning. I’m sure that you, my dear readers, have your own answers to these questions… however, I’m going to ask you to refrain from giving me your advice. Because, I know that I have to answer these questions for myself, and then again with my Woodsman. Your answers can’t be our answers, because our marriage is not your marriage.
As an individual, I’ve grown into being far more process orientated than goal oriented. When first married, I was completely goal oriented. Getting married and settling down was a life goal for me. Yay me, I got married! Now what?
Have kids! Buy a house!
Done and done.
Live a life of learning, growing and loving each other.
Great. How do two very different people do that together? How long do you wait for the other partner to actively get on board? How long do you endure a marriage that is souring into toxic waste in the meantime?
What happens when one or both of you start to feel like they are dying inside?