Waiting 

I’m waiting. 

Waiting for healing, for understanding.

Waiting for God to pull everything together and tell me, “See! This is what I had in mind for you all along!”

My waiting is full of looking and listening.

What I see is pain and confusion. Disconnection and fear. Even after  I step away from the mirror.

It’s all around me– the pangs of a world waiting to be reborn. 

My own waiting is all important. What I seek is in high demand. Here there is hope in my waiting; my own healing is very much tied up in the healing of others. I know this. 

So, I wait. 

Wait for the birth of something new out of the death of the life I once led. 

The waiting can make or break my faith. For this reason, and this reason alone, it is worth the wait. 

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9 thoughts on “Waiting 

  1. Having my daughter who is 17 go through another psych eval. Apparently most parents do these things every few years but I hate them. They seem to bring anxiety instead of help. She was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2011. They don’t even use that diagnosis anymore. I need help through the work force to find her a job. I’m overwhelmed with her future. Does she have one? Her symptoms seem less like Aspergers and more like debilitating social anxiety mixed with learning and processing slowness. I feel sad because what kind of job can she really get? What kind of future does she really have? So much focus on what she can’t do and none on what she can. The truth is I wasn’t bound up in worry a week ago. But my husband and I talked and I sought help from the county and they told me a list of things she should do: go get evaluated through the school district, go get a psych eval, get assessed for drivers training, and on and on. I got really overwhelmed with all these things I haven’t done. I decided we’d do the psych eval in January and I’d see what they said before I got all in a tizzy. So wait, I will. And pray I will. But I keep praying for a break through. I keep hoping that she has something treatable. Maybe they misdiagnosed her first time around? (Aspergers kids don’t have social fear–they are awkward because of their intense interests. That doesn’t seem to describe her these days. Instead, she trembles and swears and worries whenever we have to go around people). If it’s social anxiety, counseling could help and coaching could help. She’d still have her learning disabilities but the social stuff is the biggest issue we face. If she could overcome that, she’d overcome 70% of the problem. But I wait. The lord knows what we need. He knows her. He knows these needs and knows how to answer them. In his time, he will. I have to keep trusting that but sometimes, I do get really sad thinking about how I can’t help her. It’s never enough, you know? There’s always something and I worry that I’ll die before she’s independent and able to care for herself. There is fear in the waiting and that’s the hard thing for me.

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  2. Waiting its hard and it seems as though you will wait forever. Trying to think in your mind what will be the outcome. But while your waiting God works behind the scene and everything comes together just fine. Thanks for sharing !:)

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