I’ve come to a point in my own spirituality where I feel weary of Theology.
This is something very new for me. I’ve enjoyed engaging in theological study for well over a decade now. Up until now I’ve always learned something new, or have been given some new insight into the Divine.
Now, suddenly, I find it all quite distasteful.
Give me a Bible, a notebook, a pen, and several hours of quiet solitude, and I will return a renewed and refreshed creature. That much has not changed. What has changed is my having a near total lack of desire to fit spiritual things newly revealed into any system of thought/belief. Or, in other words, I no longer find myself concerned over personal theology.
How could this happen?
Isn’t good theology essential to faith?!
I’m not so sure.
I’m beginning to see that belief in Christ trumps any and all beliefs I develop about Christ. Essentially, what remains of my theology asserts that a relationship with God in and through Christ is the purpose of our existence. So, it follows that in entering into that relationship and developing a knowledge of God in and through that relationship, a personal theology becomes increasingly obsolete. And, such theological waxing feels borderline disrespectful of the One so far above my ability to wholly and accurately represent in word or deed.
The more I experience of God, and the more I grow in Him, the more frightened I become of misrepresenting Him. It’s not a fear of a reprisal on God’s part, but a fear rooted in an ever deepening affection for the Persons of God. I would rather die than say something that would create a stumbling block for others seeking Him. Like, for reals. God is that cool.
Then I ran across this passage in my devotions:
“Love never ends. But as far as prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end.”
1 Corinthians 13:8-10 (NRSV, boldface mine)
Did you see it? How St. Paul emphasizes the enduring nature of Love while pointing to the passing nature and incompleteness of the other ways we understand and worship God?
Of course, earlier in this chapter St. Paul expounds upon the nature of Divine love, αγάπη. Αγάπη, the Greek word for the highest form of love, is the love of God for humankind, and the love we are intended to develop for God. But, wait, there’s more:
“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I am fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (NRSV, boldface mine)
St. Paul elevates αγάπη above even faith and hope. That’s right, this love from and for God transcends my faith in God and any hope I have in Him.
That’s heavy stuff. Especially for a well-churched gal like myself.
Maybe my recent falling out with Theology isn’t a bad thing, but a good thing. Maybe I’ve finally stumbled into that “one thing” that Jesus spoke of in Luke 10:41-42. If that’s the case, I’m fine letting go of the rest. It means that I have the “better part”– that which will not pass away nor can ever be taken away from me.
I guess this makes me post-theological? Is that a thing? Well, it is now!