Healing from life’s hurts takes time. And I hate that about life lived here.
I want healing now. Not later on down the road, but right here, right now, exactly where I’m at.
The past few months have been very tough on me. You see, healing is toil before it is reward. I know this, because I’ve walked this path before. The only way out of pain is through it. Blah, blah, blah…I can accept this truth without having to like it!
What I’ve learned in this season is how much work it is to endure. For me it has been necessary to pick up my cross daily as I follow my Beloved. A daily sacrificing of the fullness of life I can see just over the horizon in order to live through the life I have today. It hasn’t been fun. Not that trials are supposed to be anything other than toil… I’m just saying that trials are far more trying than I imagined them to be before I was privileged enough to encounter my own.
Everyday I pray for strength. And, before you mistake my honesty for piety, I also pray something to the effect of “Lord, can this just be over with now? Pretty please? This sucks so much!!”
I can sense in my heart that I’m nearing the end of whatever it is that I’ve been walking through. Which is good, right? I think it’s good… but I’m not quite out of the woods yet. God’s unmistakable word to me this week is “break up your fallow ground”. Unmistakable because the last two times I’ve opened up my Bible, and glanced at the passage right in front of me, this phrase popped off the page. Since it only appears in two places in the Bible (Hosea 10:12, Jeremiah 4:3) it’s safe to say it holds special import for me.
At this point though, it comes across less like an invitation to follow the Spirit into the next season of my spiritual life and more like, well, more work. Ugh! Perhaps my natural inclination towards cynicism is finally getting the best of me…
In any event, God is still good–even when I’m cranky and feeling spiritually exhausted. He’s proven to be especially patient with me when practicing patient endurance is the lesson of the hour.
I am grateful to a loving God that endures with me as He teaches me how to endure. Ok! I guess now it’s time to break up my fallow ground. Yay me! At last, the breeze no longer bears a winter chill, but the promise of a changing of the seasons.
So, someone hand me a shovel already!